Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to welcome Mr Jordian Yan Pei Yuan to Lame Isles. As National Political Advisor, he will be in charge of advising the Parliment on our National Policies, both domestic and foreign. Because of him, Lame Isles' human population has grown by 20%.

Now, I am filled with grief as I announce that, with effect from 0000hrs 14 May 2004 (Lame Isles Time, LIT), Lame Isles will cease to exist in the Indian Ocean, but will be shifted to a secret and unplottable location. I now take this opportunity to thank all the puffer fishes and resources of the Indian Ocean that we have used for the past few months. Thank you very much to all you lovely fishes (Starts to shed a fake tear and shake hands with puffy, the king of puffer fishes).

Ahem. However, visitors will still go through the same procedure if they wish to enter Lame Isles: simply contact any of the Lamers and we will make the neccessary arrangements.

Thank you.